In partnership with
Hey, Raising Humans Crew!
Picture this: It's a Tuesday morning, and your child says their stomach hurts.
Again.
No fever. No other symptoms. Just... a stomachache.
So you do the mental math - is this real? Are they trying to get out of school? Did they eat something weird last night?
Here's what's actually happening, and it might shift how you think about these moments entirely.
That stomachache - and the headaches, the tight shoulders, the sudden loss of appetite - often isn't avoidance.
It's communication. It's your child's body doing the only thing it knows how to do when the emotional vocabulary isn't there yet.
This week, we're diving into the science of how stress and emotion show up physically in school-age kids, why it happens more than most parents realize, and what you can actually do about it when you notice the signs.
Also in this edition:
When the Body Speaks First: Why physical complaints in kids are often emotional messages in disguise - and the research behind why this happens more than you'd think.
The Missing Vocabulary: What researchers call "alexithymia" and why so many perfectly healthy children struggle to name what they're feeling - long before they can talk about it.
Reading the Signals: A practical guide to the physical patterns worth paying attention to, what they tend to mean.
🧠 The Think Tank: Cast your vote in this week’s poll!
When the Body Speaks First
There's a moment almost every parent knows. Your child can't - or won't - tell you what's wrong.
Nothing specific happened. Nothing is visibly off.
But something is clearly off, and it's showing up in their body before it ever makes it to their words.
That's not a coincidence. That's neuroscience.
Research consistently shows that up to 25% of school-age children experience physical symptoms - stomachaches, headaches, fatigue, muscle tension - that are connected not to physical illness, but to emotional or academic stress. These aren't imagined symptoms. They aren't manipulation. They are real, physiological responses to stress that a developing nervous system doesn't yet have the tools to process otherwise.
Here's why:
When your child's brain perceives something as a threat - a test, a social tension, a disagreement, even just the weight of a demanding week - it activates the body's stress response. The same cascade of hormones designed to protect us from physical danger gets triggered by emotional pressure.
The prefrontal cortex, which helps regulate emotional responses and logical thinking, doesn't fully develop until the mid-twenties. That means even moderate stressors can produce disproportionately strong physical reactions in children - and those reactions can linger long after the moment itself has passed.
The gut is especially sensitive to this. The vagus nerve runs a constant two-way communication channel between the brain and the digestive system, 24 hours a day. When stress activates the HPA axis (the brain's stress-response system), the gut feels it almost immediately.
Appetite changes, nausea, and abdominal pain aren't random - they're the gut responding to signals from a stressed brain. And the gut, in turn, sends signals back to the brain that influence mood.
It's a loop, not a one-way street.
A March 2026 study published in Gastroenterology found that early-life stress may rewire the gut-brain connection, increasing the risk of digestive issues not just in childhood but in the years that follow. Researchers at NYU College of Dentistry's Pain Research Center put it plainly: "When the brain is impacted, the gut is likely also impacted - the two systems communicate 24/7."
The takeaway for parents isn't alarming - it's actually orienting. When your child says their stomach hurts before school three times in a week, the first question isn't "are they faking it?"
The better question is: "What might their body be trying to say that they haven't found the words for yet?"
Become An AI Expert In Just 5 Minutes
If you’re a decision maker at your company, you need to be on the bleeding edge of, well, everything. But before you go signing up for seminars, conferences, lunch ‘n learns, and all that jazz, just know there’s a far better (and simpler) way: Subscribing to The Deep View.
This daily newsletter condenses everything you need to know about the latest and greatest AI developments into a 5-minute read. Squeeze it into your morning coffee break and before you know it, you’ll be an expert too.
Subscribe right here. It’s totally free, wildly informative, and trusted by 600,000+ readers at Google, Meta, Microsoft, and beyond.
The Missing Vocabulary
Most adults take for granted the ability to say "I'm anxious" or "I'm overwhelmed."
But that capacity - the ability to identify an emotion, name it, and connect it to a physical sensation - is a skill that develops gradually, and for many children, it's still very much a work in progress.
Researchers have a term for the difficulty of identifying and describing feelings: alexithymia.
It's not a disorder or a diagnosis. It's a spectrum trait, and in children, it's remarkably common. Studies show that children who struggle to name their emotions don't just feel them less clearly - they feel them more in their bodies. Rather than saying "I feel nervous about my presentation," they say "my stomach hurts." Rather than "I'm stressed about the test," they say "I'm tired" or "my head hurts."
One study found that children with a high number of somatic symptoms were significantly more likely to report difficulties in differentiating and communicating their feelings compared to peers with fewer physical complaints.
The body, in essence, becomes the stand-in for the emotional vocabulary they haven't yet built.
This isn't a character flaw. It's a developmental reality.
The brain's ability to take what's happening emotionally and translate it into words relies on connectivity between the regions that process emotion and the regions that handle language - and that connectivity is still maturing well into adolescence.
Research from neuroimaging shows that reduced communication between the insula (responsible for body awareness and emotion) and the prefrontal cortex (responsible for language and conscious thought) is directly associated with higher rates of somatic complaints.
What parents can do with this information is enormously practical: when your child complains of physical symptoms that don't have a medical explanation, instead of focusing on the symptom, try gently focusing on the feeling.
Not "where does it hurt?" but "what's going on for you today?" You're not dismissing the stomachache. You're inviting the emotion that may be behind it.
There's another piece worth knowing: parents matter here more than most realize.
A 2025 study found that when parents respond to vague physical sensations with high anxiety or confusion, children are more likely to mirror that pattern… becoming hypervigilant to body signals and more susceptible to somatic symptoms over time.
The reverse is also true.
Parents who respond with calm curiosity - acknowledging the sensation without catastrophizing it - help children develop the same regulated response.
The way you receive your child's physical complaints shapes how they learn to receive them, too.
Reading the Signals
So what does this actually look like in practice? What are the patterns worth paying attention to… and how do you know when to act on them?
First, a distinction worth making: physical symptoms connected to emotional stress are almost always patterned and contextual.
They tend to appear before predictably stressful events (Sunday evenings, Monday mornings, test days, after difficult social moments), ease once the stressor passes, and don't follow the typical arc of illness (no fever, no progression, no other symptoms).
Occasional physical complaints are normal and not cause for concern. What's worth paying attention to is frequency and pattern.
Stomachaches and changes in appetite are among the most common somatic signals in younger school-age children. If your child regularly loses their appetite before school, complains of nausea on Sunday evenings, or has recurring abdominal pain without a medical explanation, it's worth gently exploring what's happening emotionally in their week.
Headaches become more common as children get older and academic pressure increases. Research shows that around puberty, about 15% of children report frequent or severe headaches, and the prevalence rises through high school. When headaches cluster around school days or specific activities, they're often telling you something.
Fatigue and low energy that appear specifically in the context of demanding activities - homework, studying, challenging social situations - can reflect emotional exhaustion rather than physical tiredness. This is different from a child who is simply not getting enough sleep.
Muscle tension, restlessness, and changes in eating patterns are subtler signals that parents often overlook. A child who suddenly doesn't want to eat dinner on school nights, or who comes home tightly wound and physically stiff, may be carrying more than they're showing.
A few practical approaches that research and clinicians consistently recommend:
Start with the body, not the emotion. With younger children especially, leading with "how does your body feel right now?" lands better than "what are you feeling?" It meets them where they are. Try asking specifically about different areas: "Does your chest feel tight? Does your stomach feel fluttery? Do your shoulders feel heavy?" This builds the vocabulary over time, rather than expecting it to already be there.
Notice the pattern, not just the moment. Keep a loose mental (or actual) log of when symptoms appear. Patterns often clarify what single instances can't. Is it always on Wednesdays? Always before a specific activity? That information is meaningful.
Validate the physical experience while gently opening the door. The Child Mind Institute emphasizes this clearly: headaches and stomachaches connected to stress are still real feelings, and they deserve to be taken seriously. What helps is not dismissing the physical complaint, but expanding the conversation around it. "I hear that your stomach really hurts. That makes sense. And I'm wondering - is anything feeling hard or big for you right now?"
Create a regular check-in ritual that isn't tied to a problem. Building body awareness as a daily habit - not just in moments of distress - gives children a language to draw on before symptoms get louder. A simple "body check-in" at dinner or before bed ("from toes to head, how does your body feel tonight?") normalizes the practice of tuning inward.
Know when to involve a professional. If physical symptoms are frequent, disruptive, or interfering with your child's ability to go to school or participate in their normal life, a visit to the pediatrician is always the right first step to rule out medical causes. If the child gets a clean bill of health, a therapist who practices cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) can help your child begin to make the connections between their feelings and their body - and build the skills to manage both. The American Academy of Pediatrics notes that CBT is effective for children as young as five in this context.
The larger point is this: children who learn to listen to their bodies - who develop the language to connect physical sensations to emotional experiences - carry a life skill that serves them well beyond childhood.
It's the foundation of self-awareness, and self-awareness is the foundation of almost everything else.
When your child says their stomach hurts, their body isn't working against them. It's working for them - the only way it knows how. Your job isn't to silence the signal. It's to help them understand what it's saying.
Will Your Retirement Income Last?
A clear retirement income plan starts with knowing your costs and building a portfolio that can meet them. Fisher Investments' Definitive Guide to Retirement Income helps investors with $1,000,000 or more structure a strategy built to last.
We’re asking parents like you to share their thoughts on topics that matter each week! Cast your vote and see what others think! We’ll chat more about the results next week. 👀
What does your child do when something is bothering them but they can't say it?
This week's tools are focused on helping your child build the body awareness and emotional vocabulary that make those harder conversations easier.
GoNoodle - Before your child can talk about what they're feeling, they often need to move through it. GoNoodle's body-break videos guide children through movement and breathing activities that build interoceptive awareness - the ability to notice and respond to internal body signals. A great first step for kids who need to move before they can settle into a conversation.
Zones of Regulation - A widely used framework in schools and therapy that helps children categorize how their body and brain feel into four color-coded "zones." It gives kids concrete language for internal states and bridges the gap between physical sensation and emotional awareness. Worth asking your child's school if they already use it - many do.
“How Are You Feeling Today?” by Molly Bang - A deceptively simple picture book that uses color and imagery to help young children connect visual representations of feeling to their own internal states. A gentle, low-pressure entry point for children who aren't yet ready for direct conversation - and a natural conversation starter for parents who aren't sure where to begin.
Calm - Calm's dedicated kids section includes sleep stories, breathing exercises, and short mindfulness practices designed for children ages 3 and up. The breathing exercises activate the parasympathetic nervous system - helping kids physically reset after a hard day before the emotional processing can even begin.
Until Next Week…
The stomachache before school. The head that "just hurts." The appetite that disappears on Sunday evenings and comes back by Saturday morning.
These aren't mysteries to solve so much as invitations to listen. When children don't yet have the words for what they're carrying, their bodies become the messenger.
And the parents who learn to read those messages - gently, curiously, without alarm - give their children something that goes well beyond symptom relief. They give them a model for understanding themselves.
That's worth paying attention to.
Thanks for joining us in raising kind, capable, and confident humans. We’re so glad you’re here.
❤️ Loved this issue? Have thoughts, questions, or topic ideas?
Share your vote below or drop us a note at [email protected].